Navigating contact schedules with children after divorce can be a delicate balance, especially when focusing on maintaining strong relationships rather than merely organizing “visitation.” After a separation and divorce, ensuring that both parents continue to play an active role in their child’s life supports the child’s stability and well-being.
Post-Divorce Contact Schedule Standard
However, every family’s needs are unique, and no outside party understands these dynamics better than the parents themselves.
This short guide on post divorce contact schedule standards provides practical advice on structuring contacts suitably for each age group, along with essential reminders on communication and cooperation to help parents build a plan that works for everyone.
Let’s get to it.
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POST DIVORCE CHILD-PARENT CONTACT SCHEDULE STANDARD – WHAT REASONABLE ‘VISITATION’ FOR NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT IS
First of all, we should forget about visitation as a term here, considering that no one is visiting anyone here. We’re talking about the continuity of the relationship and contacts between parents and children after separation and divorce. Not about letting the child or parents be in contact, as nobody is entitled to allowing or preventing those contacts from taking place.
This is what they’re entitled to, unless there’s an objective safety threat where contacts need to be restricted, at least for a short amount of time, strictly (only) through a court order clearly defining that contacts are being restricted.
There are certain guidelines that you should take into careful consideration when it comes to defining the schedule of your regular contact with your children after the divorce once living arrangements are settled.
Please do consider the guidelines of the experts on child development, but know that no other person or party will be able to suggest or create a better plan than you and your child’s other parent can. This is true if you’re able to establish and maintain good co-parenting cooperation and communication and if you’re conscious enough of the child’s best interests.
Read also: How To Divorce Without Hurting Your Child – 6 Crucial Principles To Follow
All of you (including the child) are experts in your situation.
Let’s now talk about guidelines concerning contacts’ structure.
Just keep in mind that these are only general recommendations and are just a base to build up on, not something to just take literally and copy paste.
1. Babies and infants (under 1 year old) contact structure
Contacts between the child and parents should be scheduled as frequent as possible. This time together doesn’t have to last for too long, short encounters are fine, but they need to be frequent.
So create a plan based on your objective availability to meet the “criteria” of frequent.
This age group of children forgets and may have trouble establishing a bond when the contact is interrupted. If this has happened, don’t fear; just do what you can to establish a routine when your circumstances allow it.
2. Young children contact structure
Contacts between parents and children should be frequent in case of young children, with a special emphasis on the age group of 1-3 years old.
Additionally, remember that it’s important to include contacts with other relevant people in their lives, as they now have raised awareness of their social circle and tend to rely on them besides the parents, especially those over 3 years of age.
If the communication and contacts with their other relatives aren’t safe for any reason and these folks have the right to see the kids (like their grandparents), they can be limited or restricted. However, only a court order can do this legally anr legitimately.
3. School-age children (6-12) contact structure
Children in this age group are very adaptable, so what will mostly come into play here is the quality of the contact and how meaningful the relationship and contact are. And since these kids operate with technology easily, there’s a vast array of options.
You shouldn’t worry if you are able to only see them every other week or every other weekend because of your schedules, as they can rely on the other parent, plus they can keep in touch using technology.
This won’t interrupt the continuity of the relationship unless the contacts are devoid of meaning, quality, and true connection.
When this is the case, unfortunately, it will matter less how often (frequent) you see each other, as they and/or you may experience disappointment and dissatisfaction, regardless of the quantity or regularity of the contacts. Especially in the case of adolescents.
Speaking of which…
4. Adolescents (10/12-19) contact structure
With adolescents the frequency plays an even smaller part.
So they can spend more time separated (weeks), especially since in this period their peers become the center of their attention and they need more monitoring and less “managing” and directing from you.
Don’t forget to be considerate of the child’s wants and schedule
Even though you’re free to structurize contacts the way you want, which isn’t hard when you are in good communication and cooperation with the child’s other parent, you still need to create routines and schedules so that there’s more predictability and less risk of creating chaos and uncertainty in contacts and connections.
Furthermore, you must respect both your and your child’s time and schedules equally.
This means that you have to have flexibility for their wants and desires, which sometimes won’t include you and will be focused on other people, but you shouldn’t take this personally if there’s no objective reason to believe it’s about you.
If you’re unsure, please communicate with your child to eliminate any threats to the regularity and continuity of contacts and connections.
If you need support with:
- (pre)divorce and post divorce-related concerns and exercise of parental rights so that you can be sure nothing you care about is left to chance and unaddressed, and get critical insights on the best practices for you which are suitable for all (you and the kids) in your particular situation,
- effective and assertive communication around exercise of parental rights during or after a divorce that supports the child’s best interest, so that you can go through this process as easy as possible and with the least amount of challenge, setbacks, or throw offs,
- making sure you create as healthy and as supportive environment for your child as you (reasonably) can now that the family structure has changed.
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FINAL THOUGHTS ON CONTACT SCHEDULE AFTER SEPARATION AND DIVORCE
Creating a flexible, thoughtful contact schedule is key to building a strong post-divorce relationship with your child. By focusing on consistent, meaningful contact and open communication with your co-parent, you can design an arrangement that respects everyone’s needs.
Flexibility and respect make the transition smoother, fostering a stable environment where your child feels connected and valued.
I hope you found this helpful! If you want to know how to make divorce easier for the child, read my post How To Make Divorce Easier For The Child – 6 Non-negotiables.
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